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Opinion
Letters
From North America
by Peary Perry
Firsts
So,
if you invent something totally bizarre, how do you go about trying to find someone
to try it out for the first time? | |
If
you're like me, you find yourself wondering about things that you happen to see
from time to time. I'm always amazed by new inventions; you'd think everything
would be invented by now, wouldn't you? If I recall I read somewhere that the
US patent office was shut down for a short period of time may years ago. Seems
someone had determined there wasn't anything left to invent. Had to reopen it
since the cotton gin come available or something like that.
Isn't it interesting
how things develop? I mean like eggs. Not how an egg was formed or hatched, but
how it came about that someone decided, "This might be good, let's eat it". If
I had to guess, I'd be willing to bet the first egg eater was totally oblivious
to what he was eating. Probably his best friend, Thor… saw the egg in a nest,
cracked one open and thought it would be a great joke to serve it up and see what
kind of a reaction he'd get. When the butt of his joke (no pun intended) didn't
get sick, but actually liked what he ate, the omelet was invented. The rest is
history.
So, if you invent something totally bizarre, how do you go about
trying to find someone to try it out for the first time? Take bungee jumping for
example. What kind of a moron would agree to throw himself off the top of some
tower or bridge just to test the idea of bouncing back up? How many of those guys
did they run through before they got the length and cord strength problems worked
out? "Oops, next time we better make it a tad shorter, this one was way too long
again. I thought you fixed that? Sorry about that… Fred. You make the call this
time, I did the last two".
Shark repellent. Was there a 'help wanted'
ad in the paper for this job? Did someone actually volunteer to dive into shark
infested water wearing some new chemical in order to test the effectiveness of
an unknown new product? How many formulas did they go through before they got
one that worked? The ad might have read like…"Wanted, willing subject needed for
marine experiment. Must be fearless and single. Temporary employment, excellent
salary, no benefits." Maybe they didn't tell the guy what the job entailed and
he signed up thinking he was going off to some exotic, National Geographic adventure.
Kumbaya for you.
How about those ads you see nearly every day for folks
to come in and help with some new drug test? You know those ones where you get
paid to be studied for several weekends. I'll bet the disclaimers for participation
in one of these will take about an hour to sign. "May cause headaches, diarrhea,
muscle cramps, hair loss, ringing in the ears, weight gain or weight loss, bloating,
skin irritations, loss of muscle tone, and other minor aliments." Payments will
vary according to your reactions to these new and untested medications. I make
a joke about these, but I'd be willing to bet there are lots of people flocking
to sign up for god knows what just to make a few more bucks. "Yep, Edna, all I've
got to do is take several more weeks of those high dosage radiation exposure tests
and we'll have enough cash for that new camper. We might have to get it fitted
with some kind of a ramp since I seem to be having trouble moving my legs these
past couple of weeks."
Stunt drivers for the movies. How did you first
get picked for one of those? Now the producers figured out early on that putting
their million dollar star in a burning, speeding car that was destined to crash
off of some mountain might endanger their investment, so I'd imagine the call
went out for someone to fill in for the big guy. Up pops, the class clown, who
has more broken limbs than sense and says,"That's something I can do" and lo and
behold the stunt double business is started. There you have it, an entirely new
industry. My guess is this is the kid you remember in high school who could always
be remembered for his famous line…"Hey, you 'all …watch this." Now he's probably
rich and retired and I'm still sitting here…
Well, I'll just keep on thinking
and watching the help wanted ads…might be something coming out that isn't dangerous
and pays well….right.
© Peary Perry
Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com
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