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Lifetime
Membershipsby
Peary Perry | |
You
would think that in this modern age of ours with everything we do controlled by
some computer or software program that what I'm about to discuss shouldn't be
all that difficult.
What I'd like to see is for someone to be able to
tell me if buying something for one time period or another is feasible or not.
Let
me explain. When you fly a lot, like I do, you find yourself in airports with
hours to do nothing, but just sit and wait around until your plane leaves. The
airlines have these so-called lounges that you have to pay to join and then you
can relax and get some coffee or use the phones or e-mail to get some business
done while you wait. I never have put a pencil to the cost to see if they are
worth it, but just know it beats sitting in those hard plastic chairs in the waiting
areas for hours and hours. These memberships cost money. They renew these each
and every year or you can choose to buy a lifetime membership…of course for more
money.
This is not unusual. Lots of places sell lifetime memberships.
My question is, when is it the right time to buy a lifetime membership? Obviously,
the younger you are the more use you'll get out of one. So, if you are getting
up in years as I am, shouldn't you be entitled to a discount since a lifetime
for a sixty year old is a lot less than say a twenty five year old. Why should
I have to pay the same? Look at my picture; I think I should get a discount from
my barber as well. It only takes ten minutes to cut my hairs. Notice I said hairs,
not hair. The bible talks about the hairs on your head being numbered, mine are
named…Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
Most insurance companies use a guy
they call an actuary, which is a fancy way of describing someone who can predict
when you are going to die. Nice job…isn't it?
Anyway, these folks take
into consideration a lot of factors, your age, health, location, job description,
lifestyle to make a determine how long you have to go before the old grim reaper
comes knocking on your door. Think of them as a kind of high priced fortuneteller
of sorts.
I can't personally attest to the accuracy of their predications,
but it would certainly be a lot of help if you could dial into some web site and
load in your information and see if paying for a membership each year for the
next ten years is a better deal than paying for a lifetime membership.
Of
course I suppose a lot this depends on how long you think you are going to live.
Most of us think it will be forever, but sooner or later we find out we're wrong.
It generally comes sooner, rather than later.
Last night I was watching
the national geographic channel and they did a story on how long the sun is expected
to last. They estimate that it will burn out in something like another six billion
years. The last billion or so were pretty drastic and not pleasant to watch. I
had a hard time sleeping worrying about it. Makes no sense to me either now that
I think about it, but you've done it too, so quit laughing.
This actuary
stuff needs to be taught in school so that when you graduate you have some idea
of how to evaluate things to see if they are a good deal or not. By the time you
get to be my age, you find out that you got smart too late to do anything about
it. Like everyone says, "If I only knew then what I know now."
Well, Bunkie
you don't and you won't so just shut up and live with it like the rest of us.
Don't buy ripe bananas if you're ninety years old, and don't buy more insurance
than you need when you are twenty. Also, forget about getting a divorce when you
are seventy, if you think that twenty something loves you for your looks. Get
a new mirror and stay at home.
So the next time someone tries to sell
you some lifetime something or another, stop for a minute and think about it.
Just how long is that?
One more thing, to consider…when buying a roof
for your house that has a lifetime warranty…be sure and ask…your lifetime or theirs?
Be good….
© Peary Perry
Letters
From North America
- March 22, 2006 column
Syndicated weekly in 80 newspapers
Comments go
to www.pearyperry.com
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