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The
Agony of Voice Mail
by Peary Perry | |
So,
this being the week before Christmas, I should write something snappy and dealing
with the holidays and all that stuff.
Instead, I’d like to use this time
to make my annual plea and whine about the agonies of voice mail. In the old day,
back some years ago, you might remember that we dialed a telephone and actually
spoke to a real live human being on the other end of the line when they answered.
In the event they didn’t answer, then we knew they were (a) closed or (b) not
at home or (c) ignoring us.
Today, we are bereft of any of those options.
Someone always answers; someone is always at home and no one can ignore us. My
complaint is simple, instead of speeding up our lives and making us more productive,
we are slowed down by the following:
“Welcome to XYZ Corporation. Our operators
are busy assisting other callers; we will be with you in a moment. Please listen
as our options have changed. This call may be monitored for training purposes.
Press 1 for English…..
Press 2 for ……..(here they list 15 different things
you cannot possibly recall, so you have to go back and repeat this entry time
and time again)
Press 3 to repeat the options.
TIME PASSES
Thank
you, we’ll be with you in a moment.
Your approximate wait time is…..5 minutes…
TIME
PASSES
We’re sorry, that department is not taking calls at this time due
to heavy call volume, please hang up and try your call later.”
TIME PASSES
“We’re sorry, there isn’t an operator on duty to assist you at this time, please
hang up and try your call later.”
TIME PASSES
“We’re sorry, but
due to heavy snowfalls in some parts of the world, some of our people cannot get
to your call at this moment. Please hang up and try your call later.”
TIME PASSES
“We’re sorry, but due to an incoming number of meteors and
asteroids, we cannot get to your call at this time, thank you for your patience,
please hang up and try your call later.”
TIME PASSES
“We’re sorry,
but due to our lunch being delivered later than normal, we are unable to take
your calls. Please hang up and try us again later.”
TIME PASSES
“Why not just send a letter to us, we only have one person here at XYZ Corp. to
answer 85 incoming phone lines and she isn’t going to get to you today. Thank
you for your understanding and please visit our web site…WWW.XYZ CORP//-HTML/
GOV/NET”
TIME PASSES
Not only is this frustrating, and you finally
give up… but the really bad ones are the automated robots who try to answer your
questions. Like calling information for a nationwide 800 number.
“How
may I help you?”
You give them some answer.
“I’m sorry I didn’t
understand you, would you repeat that?”
You give them the same answer.
“Are you saying, the cat is in the garbage in Manhattan?”
You give them
the same answer.
“How’s that again? I still didn’t understand you.”
You scream into the phone saying something like…no wonder you can’t understand
me, you aren’t alive. You ask to speak to a human.
“You want to order
Chinese food cooked Hunan style?”
You scream at the phone and then realize
you are swearing at a robot piece of machinery in some place like Fargo, North
Dakota or someplace in India.
I cannot for the life of me see that we
have saved ourselves any time. More often than not, I end up hanging up and waiting
until 1 or 2 in the morning to make my calls in an attempt to get through to whomever
it is I need to speak with. Then all I have to do is deal with some guy who just
woke up in Bangladesh. He may not be much, but at least he’s alive.
I
think.
These companies spend millions of dollars trying to attract our
attention to their product or service, then blow it all away on bad good will
by not being responsive in something as simple as answering a telephone call.
Progress isn’t always the best way to go, is it?
Anyway, that’s
enough of that for another year. I want to get back to doing some research on
this guy named ‘Tex’. Seems everyone I meet has some cell phone or blueberry or
something in their hand and when you ask them what they are doing…..they just
look at you and tell you they are sending ‘Tex’ a message.
He is some
popular guy. Must be some sports figure or something.
Merry Christmas.
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