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15
Minutes of SeparationNancy
was robbed at GUN POINT in LODON! You
can stop praying for Rosemary’s Baby – and start praying for Nancy |
We received an
interesting letter today. Actually, we had heard a radio talk-show host describe
the letter several weeks ago and admit to “almost” sending $1000 dollars to the
sender. (So much for the intelligence of talk radio hosts.) Forewarned that it
was a scam, we had a copy boy take the letter to the desk of Luke Warm. An hour
later the copy boy returned with the reply.
What appears below is the
original email, followed by Mr. Warm’s reply. - Ed |
“Hi,
I'm so sorry for not informing you about my traveling,my family and I
come down here in LODON,United kingdom for a short vacation unfortunately we
got robbed at the park of the hotel where we stayed,worse of it all the necessary
things have been stolen, bags, cash , credit cards and cell phone as been stolen
off at GUN POINT, it's such a crazy experience for us.
We need help to
get back home and the authorities are not being 100% supportive but the good thing
is that we still have our passports but we don't have enough money to get our
flight tickets back home and pay for the hotel bills and the hotel manager won't
let us leave.I'm just gonna have to plead with you to lend me some funds right
now to sort out the bills,I promise to refund it back as soon as I get home.
Hanging
in here to read from you.
Nancy” |
| Nancy
- US 32 cents postage stamp |
Dear Nancy,
Your
letter came as such a surprise. Partly because I don’t know anyone named Nancy.
Since no one in America has been named Nancy since 1956, you’re getting a little
long-in-the-tooth to be getting into these sorts of jams, wouldn’t you agree?
BTW, Did you ever marry Sluggo? I’ve always felt that cartoonists have
given short shrift to syndicated romances. (I’d also like to say your Aunt Fritzi
was a real babe.) I’d love to ask if Sluggo was the name on his birth certificate
– or if he was, indeed, even born in the U.S. But you might not be that Nancy.
In the future, please don’t feel guilty about not letting me know about your vacation
plans. As much as I’d like, I really can’t keep with where my friends go.
“Down” to London? You must be Scandinavian or Scottish. Sorry, I seem to draw
a blank there, too. You just may be geographically-challenged. Please have that
checked out when you get “home.” (Wherever that might be.)
Most of us “here”
go “over” to London and “down” to Mexico. Up to Canada – etc.
You’re not
the Nancy I met in Lapland, are you?
I’m sorry to be picking your plea
apart, but it’s just too much fun.
Yes, I agree getting robbed at GUN POINT
is “a crazy experience” as you put it. Even getting robbed at lower case gunpoint
can leave a psychological mark.
At the park of the hotel?! I believe that’s
called a lobby. Was there grass? Well, there you have it – parks have grass. Those
ficus trees are just for show. Was the GUN MAN wearing a tilted round Scottish
military cap with a double row of brass buttons on his tunic?
Gee, Nancy!
That’s just the bellhop. Report him at once.
I am sorry to hear the “authorities”
are not being 100% supportive. (I’m afraid I won’t be either, but let’s not get
ahead of ourselves.)
You aren’t the Nancy from Biloxi are you?
Please don’t get your feelings hurt, but one thing that makes me doubt your story
is your admitting to not purchasing a round-trip ticket. The few Nancys (or is
it Nancies?) I have known have all been practical types.
Oh, My! I mistook
LODON for London. My mistake. After Googling Lodon, I found that it is indeed
a notorious den of GUN POINT thieves, hotels do indeed have parks there and “authorities”
are indeed notorious for not being 100% supportive. My apologies.
Why on
earth, would you want to go there, Nancy? Especially one way?
Hotel managers
that won’t allow guests to leave faded out in the 1930s – at least here. Maybe
Lodon is behind the times. If you are playing by 19th century rules, there’s your
solution! Back then there were always chores to do to pay for your room. Laundering
the pomade from the antimacassars for instance or cleaning spittoons. Airing the
horsehair from the lobby sofas – I’ll bet that hasn’t been done in ages!
When you get back you’ll have to tell us all about it.
The sad truth is,
Nancy, I’m broke after sending my bank account number to an “American soljer”
who needed to “smugle $10 Bilion US-type dolars” out of Iraq.
As soon
as I hear from him (the check is slightly overdue), I’ll forward some money to
you. Is cash okay or do you want a bank transfer? Perhaps on future vacations
you might want to consider sunny Nigeria.
This is all to “read” from me
at the moment.
Best wishes,
Luke Warm
(Born in the U.S. with the
birth certificate to prove it.)
"15
Minutes of Separation"
September 24, 2010 column | |
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