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To
visitors from all over the world, the city of San
Antonio is a salsa-infused melting pot of Texas history, art,
and culture. To the delight of my three daughters, however, it is
so much more. In fact, they could do without the history, art and
culture altogether as long as they're within walking distance of a
Starbucks, a fashion retail center, and an appropriate backdrop for
a cute selfie. Luckily for them, San
Antonio has it all, and all of it accepts my credit cards.
On past trips, my family toured famous sites like the River Walk and
the Alamo, where we
supported the industry responsible for those fake coonskin caps that
wind up in yard sales throughout the country. So this summer, we wanted
to get off the beaten path and find new ways to deepen our debt.
We arrived in The Alamo City just in time to check in to our hotel,
overwhelm the porter with the magnitude of our luggage, and make it
to our first attraction-an outdoor light show called "The Saga." This
captivating presentation displays an animated history of San
Antonio, projected onto the towering façade of the San Fernando
Cathedral while you view it from the crowded plaza, seated in a puddle
of (mostly) your own sweat. As with any event of educational or cultural
value, my youngest daughter's enthusiastic reaction consisted of her
repeatedly asking either, "Is it almost over?" or "How much longer?"
Although the show was beautiful, the summer heat and the unforgiving
paving stones in the plaza made sitting there a truly punishing experience
for those of us who lack sufficient junk in the trunk.
On day two of the trip, my wife had a business meeting, so my daughters
sweet-talked me into renting electric scooters to ride from our hotel
to the Pearl District, a trendy shopping area on the grounds of the
former Pearl brewery complex. While the girls thoroughly enjoyed navigating
the city streets and several dangerous construction zones on their
scooters, I felt like an inebriated walrus on a balance beam. Fortunately,
the Pearl District is a scooter-free zone, so I could try to regain
my dignity once we were on the property and my daughters had turned
their attention to spending. Their primary object was an upscale bakery/café
full of hipsters wearing skinny jeans and excessively groomed facial
hair. Although I enjoyed the air conditioning, I suddenly found myself
bankrolling a rather extravagant snack of Parisian macarons and designer
waters in glass bottles that my daughters assured me were "really
cool." |
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Our final day
in San Antonio culminated
in a nocturnal tour aboard the one and only "Ghost Bus," a tricked-out
passenger shuttle promising to take us on a fascinating jaunt through
some of the most haunted parts of the city-for about the price of
a new set of tires for the Ghost Bus. The tour was led by a vivacious
young lady in Victorian dress who handed us all a mini flashlight
and a battery-powered "ghost meter" that looked suspiciously like
something sold in the electrical department at Home Depot. Along with
the interesting narration aboard the Ghost Bus, we were encouraged
to disembark and explore a few sites with our ghost meters while the
bus driver laughed at us. We didn't see any ghosts, but we did enjoy
ourselves and learned some interesting facts about the city, like
how to make a killing by taking a party bus full of vacationers on
a ghost tour.
Regardless of how often we travel to San
Antonio, the city never disappoints. We always manage to have
fun, learn something new, and visit at least two shopping malls. And
we still can't resist taking a few photos out in front of the
Alamo, where legendary heroes of Texas fought for our right to
live in the Lone Star State and max out our plastic on Parisian macarons,
ghost meters and coonskin caps. |
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