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We
must be living in better economic times. I can always tell by the number of catalogs
I get in the mail each week. I'm often tempted to bundle them up and send them
back, but then I stop and think it through and convince myself that they wouldn't
care anyway, so why bother?
I don't have the time or the inclination to
read each and every one of them that arrive with great regularity. The majority
of them get tossed in the trash on the way from the box to the house.
However, every once in a while I come across one that hits my fancy and I take
a moment to look it over.
I am looking at one of those that have all of
the various kitchen and garden implements that you can think of but don't really
need. Our kitchen is full of stuff like this that might get used once or twice
a year, so why bother buying it in the first place?
Here are some prime
examples….How about a happy birthday revolving musical cake stand? Everyone needs
one of these…when you have the kids over for a birthday party, you can sit the
cake on top , press a button and it plays the song for you…no need to sing….what's
the fun in that? We love to sing the birthday song…..who wants to have a recording
of it since you'd still sing it anyway.
A wrist wallet? This is a handy
little item to put your keys, money, and whatever when you 'leave the house' and
go jogging or whatever. Who jogs without pockets? In fact, who jogs? I only need
one key for the house if I'm walking or jogging…why carry your car keys if you
aren't driving? Dumb.
Oh, here's one for you….a marshmallow tree. This
little do-dad allows you to roast 10, count 'em 10, marshmallows at the same time.
I though the whole idea of roasting marshmallows was to allow everyone to use
their own coat hanger to roast their own however they wanted them….from semi done
to charcoal broiled. Your kids will end up in a sword fight and someone's eye
will get poked out… Also dumb.
Double ended spreader. This one is crazy.
This allows you to spread peanut butter and jelly on a piece of bread without
the pb or the jelly touching. What happens when it hits your mouth? Don't the
two of them touch then or do they slide down your gullet independently? Even if
they did, when they got to your tummy tummy tum…. They'd mix it up. Besides, what
a knife for anyway? You can always lick the knife, I'm not so sure about this
thing. Super dumb.
Swivel seat for cars….in case your rear end won't
or can't exit the car, then you might need this one. Here's a lazy Susan that
you sit on in your car. Then when you go to get out it turns and allows you 'easily
exit the vehicle'. It appears to be made of hard rubber or plastic which I would
be willing to bet would put the hurt on your big butt after a few hours of driving.
Lose some weight…jog. Scratch this one as well.
I always save the best
for last.
What we all need is a time/temperature and date indicating key
tag. Yeah…I want one of these. Let's see..I have a watch, a clock in my car, a
thermometer in my car and one on the door to the garage. I read the paper each
day so I know what day it is. This device requires more batteries and for me to
change it to the correct time twice a year when daylight savings time does whatever
it does. So why would anyone need one of these? It'll end up in a drawer with
the flashlights that don't work.
In short, I have and you probably have
more useless things than we can shake a stick at, so why bother getting more to
clutter up our lives? I've got things in our kitchen we have used once or twice
in thirty years…..I can't see buying something unless it's got a fairly regular
use….
Of course the combination earmuff am/fm radio walkie talkie did
look pretty neat…..never can tell, I might need that…..
Have a good week…
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©
Peary Perry
Letters From North
America >
May 2, 2007 column
Syndicated weekly in 80 newspapers
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