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Men
Watch Survivorman
Women Watch Holmes on Homes
by Peary Perry | |
I
wonder if anyone has performed an extensive study on how television has changed
marriages over the past fifty years. If there hasn’t been one, there certainly
should be. Aside from the usual battles over control of the remote, I think that
an investigation of the differences in thinking patterns would be of interest
to all of us. I know it would be to me.
For example, my sons and I love
programs like Survivorman and Dirty Jobs. We even watch the logging and Ice Road
Truckers when it comes on. My wife hates these. She thinks Survivorman is really
dumb. She wants to know why the guy would get out of a good airplane and walk
around the desert or Artic without having proper clothing, matches, food and water.
We have tried to explain that this is the point of the program and that he is
making a show out of using his wits to live off of the land for a week or so until
he is picked up. She gets grossed out when he eats worms, grubs and bugs and we
have to tell her that where he is, there isn’t a grocery store or a gas station,
much less a hardware or army surplus store. She still thinks it’s a dumb program
and wonders why he doesn’t get some food or sleeping bags from the camera crew.
We explain that this show is just about this one guy, no crew, and no help. He
has to live by himself for a week. She still hates it.
Dirty Jobs is one
of our all time (male) favorites. We love this show. The grubbiest things he can
come up with the better as far as we’re concerned. He has got to be up on his
shots to be able to go into some of these places every week. Once again, in our
house this is a male only event. My wife will rather re-organize my sock drawer
rather than watch this one. Nothing I can say about the educational benefits of
this program has had any effect on changing her mind. She sees absolutely zero
value in watching some grown man walk through sewers or spend a day in a hog factory.
I taped the classic episode on solid waste in Los Angeles but she still refuses
to watch it again with me, even though it’s one of my favorites. I still think
it should have gotten an Emmy.
On the other hand, just wait until something
like ‘Holmes on Homes’ or ‘Changing Places’ or anything else on the home improvement
channel comes on. We couldn’t switch channels to check on a nuclear attack if
we needed to do so. Women love cabinetry, plumbing, tile work and paint. My wife
can sit through hours watching a bunch of goofs tear out a kitchen and replacing
it with new countertops and appliances. I’d rather have a root canal. Women can
actually tell you the difference between a 2007 model oven and one made last month.
How many improvements can be made to a dishwasher anyway? To women all of these
things are important and yet they cannot tell you what year Pontiac stopped making
the Bonneville. I’d also bet they don’t know what length chain saw is best for
the urban environment.
Men know about red, green and blue…..the three
primary colors. All others are only variations of these three as far as we are
concerned. Women can go to the hardware store and bring home one of those card
things that has about 2,000,000 combinations of… say just the color green. Men
are happy with blue…..women want Periwinkle. Men are ecstatic with red…women want
Strawberry Rose.
The men in our house do not watch Survivorman or Dirty
Jobs and then aspire to duplicate these feats. We can only dream. But women see
someone removing a wall on one of the home improvement channels and the first
thing you know she is looking for you to knock out a wall or change the way the
stairs curve. As far as I’m concerned, the stairs are just fine the way they are.
The only reason to repaint a wall or a room as far as I’m concerned is if you
knocked a hole in the wall while you were bowling or had to shoot some wild animal
that got loose inside your house. Why else would you need to do this? It’s a mystery
to me.
This brings me to another touchy point…..even though we’ve been
married for nearly forty years…..I’ve never asked her one question because I’m
afraid of her answer…
“Do you or do you not think televised wrestling
is for real?”
© Peary Perry
Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com
Letters From North America
- May 6, 2009 column
Syndicated weekly in 80 newspapers
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