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Truisms
or Perry’s Law
by Peary Perry | |
When
I started writing these columns many years ago, I often identified little things
I called ‘truisms’ or ‘Perry’s law’. These are just little quirks in life that
we all seem to encounter from time to time. What’s amazing is how true they are
and how often they do actually happen.
For example, last night I was on
my way to a meeting. If you’re even a few minutes late, you can bet the traffic
will get worse and you’ll never be on time. On the other hand, if you’re early,
the traffic is almost always very light and you are guaranteed to arrive far too
early. If this happens in the mornings, you will always have time for at least
four cups of coffee which should make you hyper in time for your people to arrive.
Packing for a trip is always a challenge for me. If you take too many
shirts or whatever …you can rest assured you won’t need all of them. However,
if you take only exactly what you think you’ll need …. you will always need more
than you packed due to a spill or rip of some sort.
Try scheduling an
event, the ones you thought won’t attend always will and those you thought would
attend...won’t. The movie you wanted to see (even though it got bad reviews) is
always full and the one you swore not to see (it got great reviews) is the only
one available. When you go to a new restaurant to try out something special you
can bet they will be sold out of this item. Last but not least….the pictures you
didn’t care about saving always turn out great and the ones you wanted either
get deleted or ruined.
Here’s
another list of these I’ve managed to obtain over the years:
Law of
Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose
will begin to itch and you'll have to use the bathroom.
Law of Gravity - Any
tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers -
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because
you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation
Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always
move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of
the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you
know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen
with.
Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that
a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics - The severity
of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater
and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from
the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several
times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of
the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early,
never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter
end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
The Coffee
Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, someone will ask you
to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's
Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will
have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of
an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated
to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical Argument - Anything
is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Law of Physical
Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
Law of Public Speaking - A
closed mouth gathers no feet.
Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As
soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the
doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment,
and you'll stay sick.
And finally, the funny noise your car makes always
stops about a block before you get it to the repair shop.
© Peary Perry
Letters From North America
- May 5, 2010
column
Syndicated weekly in 80 newspapers
Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com |
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