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  Texas : Features : Humor

MISS TEXAS ESCAPEE - 1999

Announcing
The FINALISTS and WINNER of
The Texas Escapes Bathing Beauty Contest of 1999*


Before announcing Miss Texas Escapee for 1999, we’d like to thank everyone who sent an entry. Due to space restrictions we can only exhibit the 5 runners-up which are:

Nancy Newberry
Dorothy Doppelganger
Juana La Cubana
Sandy Sabrosa
Lorna Dune


swimsuit girl
NANCY NEWBERRY from NACOGDOCHES

Born: Nacogdoches
Last Book Read: Texas Driving License Test Manual
Spare Time Activity:
Helping people find their lost pets.
World View:
" I think we need to use all our natural resources as soon as we can so the scientists can find solutions that much sooner. I mean, why did God make the rainforest for if it wasn’t so we could have nice flooring. I think that as an incentive for finding alternatives, we could reward the scientists with nice flooring from the dwindling supplies."
Favorite Food:
Cantonese, but only from Canton, Texas.

swumsuit girl
DOROTHY DOPPELGANGER from DALHART

Born: Indianola
Pet Peeve:
People telling me they know someone who looks just like me.
Greatest Accomplishment:
1st place winner in Annual West Palm Beach Palm Uprooting Competition.
Favorite Book:
You Can’t Go Home Again. ("Being from Indianola, I can really identify with it.")
How would you use your title if voted Miss Texas Escapee?
"I’d work tirelessly to make people aware of our beach erosion problem."

swimsuit girl
JUANA LA CUBANA from NADA

Born: Havana, Cuba
Home:
Nada, Texas (Colorado Co.)
Ambition:
"To build a bridge to the 22nd Century."
Greatest Accomplishment to Date:
Wrote the award winning slogan for the Nada Chamber of Commerce: "There’s not much in Nada"
Last Book Read:
Love’s Tormenting Itch.
What would you do if voted Miss Texas Escapee?
"Use my title to end the blockade of Cuba."

swimsuit girl
SANDY SABROSA from SAN SABA

Born: Toad Suck, Arkansas
Home: San Saba
Greatest Wish:
"To reopen the Chicken Ranch"
Last Book Read: Making Narcissism Work For You
Pet Peeve:
People who say unkind things about my hat.

Swimsuit girl
LORNA DUNE from DENTON

Born: Denton, Texas
Last Book Read:
Classics Illustrated version of Tolstoy’s War And Peace.
Spare Time Activities:
Matching lost socks from area laundromats.
Greatest Wish: To be reunited with her father on death row (one way or another).
Favorite Place:
Local cement company’s sand storage lot where this photo was shot.


Now after weeks of decision and mental anguish by our selected jury of plastic surgeons and veterinarians, we proudly announce


Miss Texas Escapee 1999 >


*This contest is politically correct since all contestants are old fashioned girls who enjoyed the blatant display of their beauty.

All  photos TE archives. Any resemblance to persons living or deceased is your problem.

Miss Texas Escapee 2000


 
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