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  Texas : Features : Humor : Column - "A Balloon In Cactus"
A History of Mexico in 2000 Words - Page 3
by Maggie Van Ostrand

[Previous page]

The colonial period lasted from 1521 to 1810, when Mexico was known as Nueva España, stretching from the Caribbean to Costa Rica to today's southwestern U.S.

Europeans dominated politics and economy in colonial Mexico, with Mestizos second, and native peoples coming in third. Many natives were unemployed, since Mexico did not yet have any Wal-Marts.

In 1810, Napoleon I put his brother on the Spanish throne, causing a bit of a flap. Liberales wanted a democratic Mexico, and conservadores wanted Mexico ruled by a Bourbon king who'd keep the status quo for rich landowners. Bicker, bicker, bicker. The liberales and the conservadores, however, agreed on one thing: Mexico had to cut loose from Spain.

Enter Miguel Hidaldo who, on September 16th, fought back and cried, "Down with the Bourbons, down with Napoleon, down with pastries and paella! We want tequila and tortillas." Everybody and his brother fought ferociously for eleven years and at last, in 1821, independence from Spain was won. Castanets were exchanged for clarinets, and all street names were changed to Avenida 16 Septiembre.

Agustín de Iturbide, a former Spanish general who switched sides more often than John Kerry, had fought for Mexican independence, and then proclaimed himself emperor. Now the people had to revolt all over again and overthrow that guy, which they finally did in 1823 with the establishment of the United Mexican States.

The next year, Guadalupe Victoria became the first president of the new country and, no, he wasn't gay. His real name was Félix Fernández; he chose his new names to give thanks to both Our Lady of Guadalupé for her protection, and Victoria for victory.

Different presidents came and went, including three who ruled simultaneously as a triumvirate in 1829, and there was instability throughout most of the 19th Century. U.M.S. lost many of its northern territories, thanks to the greedy dictator, Santa Anna, who sold off much land for personal profit. It is thought that former U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew followed Santa Anna's example when he secretly sold off portions of public lands in the Rocky Mountains.

We now come to the Mexican-American War (1846-48) which was started for two reasons: (1) U.S. believed it had a God-given right to expand it borders "from sea to shining sea." This belief was given a catchy title by political strategists - "Manifest Destiny." This is called pre-wash spin. Never mind that it was unjust to the Mexicans and the Native Americans. That doesn't count. (2) Santa Anna, a prisoner of war at the time, signed the Treaty of Velasco giving Texas the independence it sought. The U.S loves to sign treaties; honoring them is another story. next page


Copyright Maggie Van Ostrand
"A Balloon In Cactus" - November 7, 2005 column
Email:
maggie@maggievanostrand.com

 
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