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"What
I Want For Christmas" 12-22-17
Count
Your Nuts: How We Are Being Cheated At The Grocery Store 8-14-17
Mother's
Day: Make It Count 5-9-17
Best Pictures That Never Won Best Picture Oscar
2-24-17
Agida
2-17-17
The
Songs of Christmas 12-16-16
Guilted
Into Giving? Charity Checkmate 12-10-16
Jupiter
and Juno: Together Again for the First Time 7-9-16
Branding
Hillary: The Optic Downs of Campaigning 5-26-16
Trump
keeps Claus out 12-7-15
Gravity
Sucks: Hollywood's Answer To a Face in Free Fall 7-10-15
Love,
and How To Say It 2-13-15
The
Green Carpet 1-16-15
Cheers!
1-1-15
A
Higher Calling 12-19-14
The
Doctor Will See You Now 11-20-14
Waiter,
Bring Me an Order of Gluten and a Large Glass of Lactose
9-17-14
Shrinking
the News 8-19-14
10
Classic Mean Movie Mothers 5-9-14
Peeps:
A Tale for Kids 4-18-14
I
Hate Valentine's Day 2-14-14
Birds
of Prey versus Birds of Pray 1-28-14
Envelope
Season 1-22-14
Frankincense,
Myrrh, and Tom Swift's Electric Rifle 12-8-13
Ghosts,
Ghouls, Goblins, and other G Spots 10-25-13
America's
Reset Button 9-7-13
Hey
SCOTUS, Don’t Stop at Same Sex Marriage 4-1-13
Unfriending
FaceBook, or, I Don’t Want to Smell like Brad Pitt
3-15-13
The
Lady in the Parking Lot 1-5-13
Lame
Christmas Gifts: It Is Harder to Receive Than to Give
12-30-12
Is
Santa Legal In Arizona? 12-7-12
Have
Ashes, Will Travel 11-20-12
To
Tweet or Not to Tweet: That is the Question 8-19-12
The
Makeup Drawer 8-6-12
"What's
That Hanging Out of Your Nose?" and Other Stupid Questions
5-29-12
Mother
5-5-12
Cooking
With Scissors 2-20-12
Super
Bowl for Women 2-9-12
Politically
Indirect, or, the True Meaning of the Word Humbug
12-23-11
The
Dog Days of Summer 7-10-11
What
Do You Want For Your Birthday? Or, It Won't Be What You Asked For
5-20-11
Royal
Wedding Questions 5-2-11
Top
10 Federal Budget Savings Ideas 2-23-11
How
to Deal With a Contractor If You're a Single Woman
2-9-11
New
Year’s Non-Resolutions 12-29-10
Christmas
Shopping 12-20-10
CPR
and JOSEFINA 10-22-10
Larry
O'Donnell's Apology 10-10-10
Big
Corporations, Little Ripoffs 4-12-10
Bosom
Buddy 3-7-10
Red
China Turns U.S.A. Pink 2-8-10
The
Art of Barbering 1-21-10
Mexico’s
Gift to Opera, Rolando Villazón 1-2-10
The
Art of Re-Gifting 12-19-09
The
Crookedest Christmas Tree 11-21-09
Why
Can’t Congress Be More Like a Dog?10-7-09
Get
Shorty 8-13-09
Alfred
Hitchcock: Can You Spot Him? 7-27-09
You
Got To Know When To Fold ‘Em 7-3-09
Common
Scents: Why Brides Carry Bouquets 6-1-09
Six
Degrees of Separation, or, How a Mexican Star Became a Cajun Legend
5-6-09
Cejas
and the Great Escape 3-12-09
Juanita
and the President 2-8-09
From
Conspicuous Consumption to Conspicuous Frugality 1-8-09
Apologies
Instead of Resolutions 12-8-08
Nothing
to Fear But Thanksgiving 11-7-08
Ways
to Save 9-17-08
English,
and How She is Spoken 9-3-08
What
You Don't Know About Mexico 7-17-08
Cuddling
With Your Enemies 6-9-08
Turning
into Mom 5-8-08
Everybody's
Scared of Something 4-7-08
Stars
Shine in Sunny Mexico 3-6-08
Honeybees:
Have They Emigrated to Mexico? 2-14-08
Joaquin
Murrieta, Robin Hood or Just Plain Hood? 1-5-08
A
Blue Christmas 12-13-07
The
Christmas Flower 12-3-07
Christmas
Shopping With The Sliding U.S. Dollar 11-10-07
In
A Word ... 10-5-07
"Yes
Virginia, There Is Another Mexico" 9-12-07
Dear
Uncle Sam 7-16-07
The
Fence 7-6-07
The
God Talk 6-4-07
Say
Bartender, Make Mine Tuna on the Rocks 5-25-07
The
Fighting 201st 5-11-07
Bad
Mothers 5-11-07
Erotic
Politicians Promote Sex Abstinence Studies 4-26-07
Law
School in a Box 4-13-07
Brando
4-3-07
Blonde
3-27-07
The
Red Carpet 2-18-07
Jack
Bauer 2-16-07
Super
Bowl 2007 2-7-07
The
Corn is as High as an Elephant's Eye 1-29-07
Bionic
Woman or Jack Bauer 1-23-07
Guilt
1-8-07
New
Year's Resolutions 2007 12-28-06
Deporting
Santa Claus 12-19-06
Christmas
Shopping 12-13-06
Rachael
Bites Into Martha 12-10-06
The
Night the Posse Chased Santa 12-1-06
The
Day After 11-24-06
Fear
of Thanksgiving 11-19-06
Being
Santa 11-10-06
Scarier
Than Halloween 10-31-06
The
Undead 10-10-06
The
Mexican 10-7-06
Friday
the 13th 10-4-06
The
Height of Celebrity 9-28-06
True
Confessions 9-13-06
Women
of the News 9-7-06
Pluto
9-1-06
Cesar
Millan and Rachael Ray: America's Great Escape Artists
6-20-06
Baby
TV 6-1-06
Dying
to Be An American 5-8-06
Super
Comic, Super Star, Super Man 4-28-06
Cantinflas
How
My Mexican Relatives Saved the U.S. Economy 4-13-06
The
Art of Listening 4-8-06
Emilio
Fernández, Ten of a Kind 3-23-06
Daddy,
Tell Me A Story 3-14-06
Oscar
Moms 3-7-06
Oscar
3-7-06
Voice
Lift 2-14-06
Don
Churrero 2-2-06
Interview
with Baby New Year 12-28-05
Christmas
Past 12-5-05
Thanksgiving
and the Little Table 11-23-05
The
Mallomar 11-10-05
A
History of Mexico in 2000 Words 11-7-05
TV
Corpses at Halloween 10-30-05
Dead
Men Don't Talk, But Dead Women Do 10-22-05
Frida Kahlo, and Her Recipes
Movies
10-10-05
Same
Sex Marriage? 10-1-05
When
Money Talks, Martha Listens 9-19-05
Looking
for Charley 9-12-05
Paparazzi
8-29-05
Three
8-20-05
Appearing
Rich 7-9-05
Weirdo
Father of the Year 6-16-05
Shrewd
Mexican Women 6-15-05
What's
In A Name? Plenty 6-6-05
Barbara
Walters Does Cleopatra 5-15-05
Mexican-American
War of Ought-Five 5-3-05
The
Pig Book 4-20-05
Superman
Is An Illegal, or, Humor and Satire in the Corrido 4-5-05
Fry
Me to the Moon 3-8-05
Cher,
Au Contraire 3-1-05
Mexican
Beauty: Dolores del Rio 2-16-05
Well
done, Johnny 1-25-05
Harvard
Strangles First Amendment 1-25-05
... and
what women really want
Ninotchka
1-21-05
New
Year's Resolutions 1-1-05
The
Truth About Rudolph 12-8-04
Las
Posadas 12-1-04
Las Posadas is still observed in Mexico...."
Fear
of Hair 11-24-04
Got
Flu? Try A Sock Full of Onions 10-29-04
Scents
and Sensibility 10-15-04
The
Pinking of America 9-28-04
Man
Stores 9-1-04
A
Prudent Use of Guilt 8-3-04
Brando
7-19-04
"Quit following me around. It's getting embarrassing,"
Networking
For The Disinclined 7-12-04
Old
Friends Ask About Mexico 7-11-04
"What's it like in Mexico?" "Weren't you scared?" and "Don't they
kidnap you there?" In case anyone reading this publication is wondering
the same things, here's what I told my friends ...
The
Biggest Mistake I Ever Made In Mexico 6-9-04
Stuff
To Do in Small Towns 5-5-04
When
Traveling in Mexico, Leave Your Pantyhose At Home
4-21-04
"Your money's no good in Mexico."
Mexican
Eye For the Gringo Guy 3-7-04
There's
Something About Mexico 2-20-04
Paradise
El
Taxi, or El Toro? 1-20-04
Hemingway said there are two types of spectators at a bullfight:
those who identify with the bull, and those who identify with the
matador.
The
Roger Miller Las Vegas Pawn Shop Shooting 1-20-04
Roger
Miller 12-27-03
Quotes, and anecdotes of Roger Miller and friends.
The
Ten Years Are Up.
It's Time to Clean the Refrigerator
11-28-03
Day
of the Dead or Alive 10-21-03
Are
There Terrorists in Our Town? 9-29-03
Where
did the word "gringo" come from anyway? 9-03
God
and Botox 8-03
Meant
for Each Other 8-03
Put
Yourself In Reverse 7-03
Mrs.
Baldwin of Missouri Teaches All About Mexico
Josefina,
A Woman of Mexico
Mextra-Sensory
Perception
"The
Trip" - Guanajuato, Mexico
Accommodations
To Die For
Trolling
for Truth
"What parent in his right mind would give a 6-year-old a hatchet?"
Broken
Berlitz Or English and how she is spoken
An
Evening In Paris With Mom
Nine
Steps To A Happy Life In Mexico
Mexican
Village
The
Day I Photographed Josefina's Family
|
Texas &
Legends
The
Pithy Tale of Owney, the Post Office Pup 8-20-11
Owney was a muttly terrier who rose from the ranks of the homeless
to celebrity status with his image on the newly issued U.S. Forever
postage stamp. His life was that of a courageous 19th-Century pioneer
pup, fighting the odds, if not the Indians...
The
Misadventures of Wrong-Way Corrigan 3-9-11
"Even when a Texan is wrong, he is right."
It may have been the wrong way, but it was his way.
The
Duke of Texas 12-14-10
John Wayne may have been born in Iowa, but he was a Texan just the
same...
CaraCara
Means More Than FaceFace 9-17-10
The United States Migratory Bird Treaty Act protects Crested Caracaras
as an endangered species, even though these big birds only visit
Arizona, Florida, and Texas... However, in Mexico, where Caracaras
have the exalted title of National Bird, humans sometimes eat them.
Go figure."
The
Brownsville-Metamoros Ferry 6-19-10
The ferry was an efficient means of transportation between the U.S.
and Mexico for 110 years, but in 1929, it took its last trip across
the Rio Grande.
Zapata
10-22-09
Here, greatly edited for space, are bits of the 1916 interview of
Zapata by reporter Guillermo Ojara, sent by his paper, El Democrata
of Mexico City...
A
Confederate Soldier in Texas: Full Metal Corset 6-18-09
The
Seabiscuit Stamp: How It Came To Be 3-23-09
On May 11th, a 44-cent rate-change stamp featuring the great thoroughbred
racehorse, Seabiscuit, will be issued by the U.S. Postal Service.
Miss
Lockhart and the Comanches 2-16-09
Any time, dear reader, you feel your lot in life is not quite what
you had in mind, compare it to that of Miss Matilda Lockhart...
A
Modern-Day Ferry Tale 12-13-08
The
Hairy Man of Round Rock 10-1-08
La
Llorona: Does She Seek Your Children? 8-10-08
The
Story of Indianola 6-30-08
Great
Aunt Jane's Pair of Scares 6-12-08
The
Widow Tamez, Accidental Expatriate 5-9-08
This brush-covered area became known as a no-man's land because
Mexican lawmen didn't want to cross the River and be cut off, and
Texas lawmen had no legal jurisdiction there. It was perfect for
outlaws from both countries...
Cherokee
Bill: Don't Get Him Mad 3-27-08
Annie
Rogers and the Bank Dick 2-3-08
Luke
Short, The Undertakers' Friend 12-20-07
December 23rd marks the 117th anniversary of Luke Short's last great
gunfight. It was a shoot out with Charlie Wright at Charlie's gambling
den in Ft. Worth...
Eyewitness
10-31-07
He was selling newspapers at Ford's Theatre on the night of April
14, 1865...
Fannie
Porter of San Antonio 9-25-07
The Old West heroes or desperadoes didn't fight, shoot, and rustle
all the time. They needed rest. They needed relaxation. They needed
love. And Fannie Porter of San Antonio supplied these diversions.
This is her story.
Sally
Skull, the Scariest Siren in Texas 9-1-07
Some say Sally didn't always wait to get a divorce, and perhaps
took the easy way out. She killed them...
The
Harrowing Life and Times of Elizabeth Ann Bishop 8-15-07
One of the Texas frontier women who taught the wilderness to quit
howling and behave itself was Elizabeth Ann Bishop. What she endured
is testament to the strength of frontier women...
Lottie
Deno: Queen of the Paste Board Flippers 8-3-07
Cowboys and longhorns, soldiers and forts, Comanche, the buffalo
trade, 18 saloons, and an abundance of "soiled doves" were the sights
greeting beautiful Lottie Deno as she rode into Ft. Griffin Flat
from Jacksboro, sitting next to the driver atop the stage coach.
Powers
of Texas 6-17-07
Belle
Starr The Bandit Queen 2-1-07
Kim
Stanley: Daughter of Texas 11-4-06
Strap
Buckner: The Tallest of Tall Texas Tales 8-16-06
Katie
Elder: Her True Story 5-26-06
"[Her] background was perhaps more plaid than checkered."
The
Big Bend Then 2-27-06
Texas:
Into the Future and Into the Past 7-30-05
Where in Texas can you bypass summer's deadly heat, avoid Transylvanian
mosquitoes, and never feel the sting of a bee?
Naked
Came The Amarillan 6-26-04
I love Amarillo ... I never met so many good lookin', boot-wearin',
city-shunnin', plain-talkin', fellas in my entire life as I did
a few weeks back when I visited The Fair And Totally Underrated
City of Amarillo In The County of Potter in the Republic of Texas.
"Soft-Boiled
Eggs Of Texas"
|
Biography
Maggie Van Ostrand
was almost born and raised in Manhattan, but hey, Queens is still
inside the City line.
She started writing when she was very young, but ran into a barrier
of parental discouragement. She didn't pick up a pen again until they
were both so old, they could no longer argue convincingly without
falling off their walkers.
Queens College remembers Jerry Seinfeld, so surely it will remember
Maggie. Then again, maybe not.
While traveling as a roadie in the music business, she co-wrote "Home
Is Where the Hurt Is" with Grammy- and Tony-winning humorist, Roger
Miller. She was head writer for Mark Goodson's quiz show, "Trivia
Trap," and has ghost-written for television sitcom writers and stand-up
comics.
In 1995, she began a humor column, which garnered many awards. Readers
cut out her columns and stuck them on their refrigerators. Thanks
to loyal fans mailing these clips to big time newspapers (do you know
how expensive it is to mail a refrigerator?), she became a regular
contributor to the Chicago Tribune, and has been published in the
Boston Globe, Newsday, the Philadelphia Inquirer, the Sun-Sentinel,
and other major newspapers and magazines both online and in print.
She’s a member of Erma Bombeck Humor Writers, National Society of
Newspaper Columnists, and Society of Women Writers & Journalists.
Her proudest achievement was winning the Pullet Surprise from texasescapes.com.
Maggie has lived in many wonderful places; her favorites are New York,
Boston, Chicago, El Paso, and Taos.
Maggie Van Ostrand spends her writing time between Ajijic, Mexico
and Pine Mountain, California, each with a population smaller than
Al Pacino. Since she has been accused of having a split personality,
it’s simple for her to live in two places at once.
December 2009 |
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