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| "What
does a woman want?" pondered Freud. For a big shot shrink not to know
the answer to this question is chilling, but never fear, I'm here
to help. |
Some folks say
men and women should live on different continents and procreate by
getting together once a year in a neutral country like, say, Texas.
Well, I think you men still have hope, so I'm gonna tell you what
women used to want, how we wrested much of it from you when you weren't
looking, and what we want today. Better get comfortable, this will
take awhile.
Waaaay back when we collected nuts and berries and you were having
contests of who had the longest loin cloth, we didn't ask for much.
Little things, like you should bring home a steak to go with the salad.
And we wanted you to invent fire for the barbeque. Nothing big.
Over time, we allowed you to put our bustled and petticoated selves
on a pedestal and to treat us as dainty and modest flowers who only
accepted gifts of candy. While you thought we were merely two types:
Angels or Soiled Doves, we were busy cracking our Gibsoned heads against
steel ceilings, suffering mightily for the vote, investigating cold
sodas at the corner drugstore and hot jazz at the speakeasies, bobbing
our hair and our skirts, and Charlestoning our way into Scott Fitzgerald's
Gatsby.
When you went off to fight wars, we wanted you to notice how well
we performed the jobs you left behind and how well we raised the kids
by ourselves. We wanted you to take the bra-burning seriously and
not object if we chose to return to the workforce. We wanted you to
volunteer to do some of the grocery shopping and childcare, without
our having to ask.
We wanted to be like you, but not quite. We wanted you to be like
us, but not quite.
It seems that we got much of what we wanted, but didn't quite know
what to do with it. Perhaps the point all along was just to get it.
There are a few bits we haven't gotten from you men. Yet.
We want you to be stronger than we are but in a gentle and tender
way.
We want you to respect our whims of iron.
We want you to open doors, light cigarettes, and not accept our offer
to pay the restaurant check.
We want you to take yes for an answer. We want you to take no for
an answer.
We want you to leave us alone. We want you to pay us attention.
We want you to be well-bred, well-read, and underfed.
We want other men to look at us. We do not want you to look at other
women.
We want you to be sensitive as well as rugged. We want you to break
broncos if you care to, but don't try to break us.
We want you to ignore our frailties and praise our strengths. We want
to be partners, with one of us holding 51 % of the stock. We'll decide
which one.
We want your loyalty, devotion, love, time, and attention; we'll give
the same to you.
These things are pretty much written, maybe not in stone but in clay,
so we can change our minds.
Only two constants remain through the ages: (1) Be there when we need
you and (2) take out the garbage.
Oh, and if you're wondering who the woman is in the photo, that's
Martha Bernays, Freud's wife. |
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