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When
entering a doctor's office or hospital, don't forget to bring driver's
license, medical insurance and Social Security cards, list of medications
and a sense of humor.
I keep saying this: "A merry heart doeth good like medicine." (Actually
I stole that line from the Bible.)
However, when you're around doctors, nurses, medical technicians and
other in the medical field, all of whom take their work seriously
- as they should -- it's not always easy to spread merriment.
Last time I tried was several years ago when I had a cat scan. I was
in the waiting room of the hospital's radiology department, sipping
a quart of fruit-flavored liquid, when the comedy kicked in. "Oh,
I didn't know you had a bar here," I told the nice lady when she handed
me the drink. "I should have brought money for a tip."
No response. She must not have heard me.
She left, and I had no one else to "smart off" to then except others
in the room drinking the same stuff within the designated time frame
of two hours. For their benefit, I repeated my joke about the tip.
No response.
They continued to watch TV, read old magazines and sip their fruit-flavored
drinks.
Amid all this excitement, I spilled part of my drink in my lap. At
last someone smiled -- sort of - at my soaked skirt.
"Dig this crazy lap top," I said, grabbing tissues from my purse to
absorb a minor flood. "Glad it wasn't hot coffee from a fast-food
joint."
No response.
When my two hours were up and the drink was gone, my name was called.
I marched on merrily to Cat Scan Center, first to a room where I received
an injection of whatever, and then to the Doughnut Shop. The scanner
is a round, white machine with an opening in it - like a doughnut
-- and that's the only way I know to describe it. I never went to
med school.
I reclined on a long, narrow, uncomfortable table aiming my head toward
the doughnut.
"Turn around," the technician told me. "Your feet belong there. Your
head at the other end."
And there I go again: "Looks like I don't know which end is up."
No response. She must not have heard me.
Then she and her co-worker commenced the procedure, rolling me in
and out, telling me when to hold my breath and breathe out, and so
on.
Everything was going good until right at the last when, by force of
my silly nature, I just had to say it.
"I always heard there are more ways than one to scan a cat."
They couldn't get me out of there soon enough.
© Wanda Orton
Baytown Sun Columnist
"Wandering" November
13 , 2015 columns
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